Gossip

Gossiping in the workplace as a source of stress

"I came into the office and my three colleagues became noticeably quiet, although they had been in a friendly conversation before. They looked at me as someone who had interrupted their fun. I thought they were gossiping about me. When it started to happen to me regularly, it was clear to me they were talking about me. In addition, my relationships with other colleagues from other offices began to deteriorate very quickly. I asked one former friend what I had done to deserve this. I found out that supposedly, I could no longer be trusted because I was accused of snitching to the boss. I haven't found out yet what I could reveal to him and how it could endanger anyone. I spent several lonely months separated from the collective. No one even went to lunch with me anymore. Then I asked my boss to join another team. The situation has completely changed for me. I'm back to being a "normal colleague." I'm just afraid when the gossip will catch up with me again."

How did it all start?
A colleague, an older lady, was afraid that the new younger colleague might push her out of her unique and indispensable position. So she began to defend herself preventively with gossip. And it worked. First, she limited the influence of the younger colleague and then completely pushed her out of the team.

Why people gossip

At the beginning of gossip, there is usually some insecurity, low self-esteem or envy of the gossiper. Sometimes it starts just as good fun, there is something to talk about, as a group we have a common enemy and it unites us. Gossip spreads quickly, gains strength, and moves further and further away from the slight truth it might have contained at the beginning.
They are very dangerous. They can lead a colleague to resign, mental problems, or in the worst case, even suicide. Gossipers often do not realize the suffering they cause. However, the negativity contained in gossip often falls back on the gossiper. Often they get annoyed and demotivated themselves by seeing only bad things everywhere, criticizing it, but not solving any of the issues that bother them.

How to defend yourself against gossip

1. Don't explain how it really happened. Don't let yourself get into a situation where you start believing gossip about yourself and apologizing for what you do or explaining how it was. You are not responsible for the gossip in any way, it is not up to you to correct it. Realize that you have the right to be different, to do things your way.

2. Don't let gossip upset you, don't show gossiping colleagues how much it hurts you. If the gossiper sees that you are not responding to the attacks, they will eventually lose interest.

3. Confront the gossiper openly with the rumor. You must not be afraid of a direct aggressive response, at least the truth will be revealed. However, you are more likely to see embarrassment, denial, or inappropriate mumbling.

4. Try talking about a different topic that your colleagues are interested in. When you find out that others are talking about you behind your back, don't say "am I interrupting you here?" or use sarcastic remarks. Provide your colleagues with a different, interesting topic.

5. Don't retaliate with gossip. Over time, people will appreciate that you are straightforward and honest.

6. Gossip about you is proof that you are not indifferent to people and that someone is probably envious of you, which means you have achieved something in your life. Therefore, it can be seen as a kind of compliment.

7. Don't gossip about others. And if someone wants to gossip about another with you, you can effectively defend yourself by asking: ‚Why are you telling me this? Why don't you tell them directly if it bothers you?‘ and there will be an end to gossip.

8. If you're the target of gossip, talk to a psychologist.

9. Sometimes team coaching or a workshop can help, where people openly share what bothers them and find a solution with the help of an experienced coach.